Luebeck, Germany

Luebeck, Germany - July 7, 2005

I Just Want to Sleep

We flew on a budget airline to get to Luebeck, because it was the only direct flight. I hardly slept the night before, was suffering from jetlag, and was a bit jumpy from the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I tried to sleep, but this flight attendant with a thick Italian accent, a goatee, and a microphone gawk-box kept interrupted my dreams with offers to buy breakfast burritos, coffee, cologne, lottery tickets, stuffed animals, sausages, and other assorted snacks. It was like watching the home shopping network at 30,000 feet, but without the luxury of changing the channel.

I had a meeting in Luebeck that morning, and the muscles in my eyelids hurt from trying to keep my eyes open. Despite drinking several cups of coffee, I could not help but drifting off into light REM. Meanwhile our host was talking a thousand miles a minute without taking any breaths. He was an old curmudgeon, with balding clown hair, and rectangular glasses that hung from the tip of a crooked nose. When he spoke he raised his chin to see through his glasses and sometimes let out a guffaw when he told a joke that he only seemed to get. He reminded me of Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, and in I imagined him saying, “Excellent Smithers! Excellent!” After a long few hours of his monologue we broke for a bite to eat.

Try the Fish

We had lunch in the old town at the historic Schiffergesellschaft (Seamen’s Guild), an exotic dining hall that dates back to 1525. The hall speaks of Luebeck’s history as a sailing port where the sailors would dine and drink when docked in Luebeck. The hall is outfitted with oaken panels painted with maritime themes, which have faded & cracked over the centuries. From the ceilings hang model sailing ships, 3 to 6 feet in length, some as old as three centuries. On the far end of the hall is a raised platform which was once reserved for ship captains, and was now my personal dining spot.

I sat opposite from Mr. Burns, while Tom sat opposite from one of Burn’s cronies who had these mad scientist eyes that bulged out of the sockets when he spoke. I was still a little edgy from coffee and adrenaline and deliberately tried to avoid eye contact with the mad scientist in fear that his eyes might pop out of his head and roll towards me. Instead, I enjoyed a delightful plaice fish from the nearby Baltic Sea along with potatoes and vegetables. Mr. Burns and I began a short discussion on German politics when our mad scientist let out a stifled cough that exploded into a “GAAACCKK!” followed by a liquid spray across my face & arms. My body reacted violently as I defensively hopped up to my feet jarring the table causing the silverware to crash onto the table with a clink. I half-expected an eyeball to have landed on my plate when I realized that Tom was drenched with fluid and food bits which he calmly wiped from his face and beard.

“Sorry,” uttered the mad scientist, red-faced with hand over mouth in sheer embarrassment.

We were all stunned for the next few awkward moments, and no one uttered a word. Did he just puke on me??? He just puked on me! I did some damage control and realized that I only got collateral splash, but poor Tom got a face full of backwashed fish stew & vegetables. The awkward silence lasted for an eternity, then finally Mr. Burns turned to me, smiled, shrugged his shoulders, and politely asked, “How’s your fish?”

"Delicious!"


-Marvin A.