Remembering September 11

Remembering September 11, 2001

I think we all remember that fateful day on that beautiful Tuesday morning. The memory of that morning is still etched in my brain. I happened to be out of the country that day… Cancun. It was supposed to be a tropical vacation in paradise. But then an older couple, fellow Americans, looked at Holli and I, with troubled eyes as we headed down to the beach. They broke the news to us about that incomprehensible and unfathomable act.

 We came back upstairs to turn the TV on to see all those burning images we all remember with painful tears and shock. Then, the collapse of the first tower left us breathless, and the second tower left us numb. The rest of the week was surreal, and we spent the days walking the beach feeling empty, meandering around town eager to find some meaning in the senseless world. We could only find comfort in the crowds of the hotel bar, where fellow Americans would lock eyes and the vulnerability of that moment was real. I so wanted to just to say, "I'm scared too." I never felt so alone and homesick.

Usually, I take a week's vacations and try to savor the time before it slips away. But during that week's vacation, time crawled at a snail's pace, and the weekend felt so far away like it was a distant star in the galaxy.

When the week was over, we managed to get on a flight back home despite the backlog of stranded passengers. The tension on that flight home was palpable, and people were on edge for the four hour flight home. Then as the plane came floating down the runway and gently touched down, the captain came on the loudspeaker, and said, "Welcome home folks!" A huge American flag bannered over the hangar in the distance making me realize that so much happened that week: innocence was lost, America discovered its pride, and heroes were made. As we taxied to the gate, a cheer erupted as my fellow Americans chanted: "USA! USA! USA!" - Marvin Abrinica

Not So Fast: Don't Hit the Reset Button on your Facebook Page Just Yet

Social Media Taking Over Your Life? Don't Reset, Re-think the Friends you Follow

Recently, several friends decided to hit the "reset" button on FB as of late. They've gone as far as deleting their profiles and disengaging with the throngs of friends & followers accumulated over the years. After a quick straw poll to understand why, most tell me the main reason is that social media is taking over their lives. A recent Nielsen study called the social media report, indicates that Americans spend a whopping 23% of their time on social media sites. This is a huge time killer.

Companies are taking notice too. My company's IT department reported that Youtube, Facebook, Pandora, and Netflix alone were taking up 50% of our company's bandwidth. Obviously, some folks are spending an inordinate amount of time here. The company is now cracking down on social media usage by blocking sites from our network.

Let's face it, social media can be a big waste of time. So, I can't blame others for hitting the "reset" button when it takes over. But, I personally have to believe there's a better way. I have 3 strategies that I think can make the social media much more meaningful and simpler. It does require some legwork, but you may be happy with the result:

1. Find influential Friends - Do you find yourself scrolling through post headlines, which may have no meaning whatsoever, and you look at the clock and an hour has passed? If you don't like what your friends have to say, maybe you should think about getting closer to the friends outside your immediate circle. Interestingly enough, research indicates that your close friends are less influential in your life than you think. Sometimes the distant friends you keep tabs on (we know you do), are the ones you really want to get closer to, according to this article from the Telegraph.
2. Prune your network:  Remember, it's ok to de-friend people. Fast Company just wrote a nice article on how to leave FB without really leaving.  Personally, I like what Social Media consultant, Joshua Newelt, say about categorizing your friends into two buckets: "linear vs. non-linear friends." So, that friend you met at the Halloween party last year, who you haven't spoken to since, is probably "non-linear"versus your best friend you've known for years who should be your "linear" friend. You can de-friend accordingly from there. However, if it's your best friend you want to de-friend, I suggest you take some tips from NY-Times writer Alex Williams.
3. Curate the content you want to see "smartly"  - Try using Pinterest, Twitter, Paper.li, or Tumblr. As TED speaker Jonathan Harris says, "curation is replacing creation." These content curation sites will enable you to filter out the noise and follow friends, people, news, bloggers, or influential people who truly matter to you. You'll be amazed at what kind of interesting things will flow to you when you follow the right people who share your interests. I personally love to follow people interested in leadership, design, social entrepreneurs, and storytellers. 

Your social media experience will be a whole lot more efficient so you're not wasting your time anymore. It cuts out a lot of clutter from your life, and you won't have to search for your inspiration. Instead, let it come to you!

Marvin Abrinica

Storytelling Can Change the World

Someone asked me this week why I thought storytelling could change the world.  It's quite simple really:  storytelling is what makes us uniquely human. Animals cannot relate to one another in the same way we do through stories. Without the ability to tell stories, we are no different than animals. Stories are a powerful way to create empathy, to bridge divides, and create connection. Simply put, stories bring people together, despite our differences and conceivably, can make the world a better place through that bond. Yet, my fear is that we've lost the art of storytelling.

People have been telling stories for thousands of years. In fact, ancient peoples used stories as the medium to pass down culture from one generation to the next. Without it, there is no continuity, no string that ties us back to our past. The job of the storytellers in ancient cultures was to share the origins of their people, and why the rituals of their culture have so much meaning.

Historians and curators of today are our modern village storytellers. They piece together history and make sense of what might seem like disparate bodies of work, but together, these pieces form the chapters of a compelling narrative. The storyteller's job is to connect the dots of culture and to weave a fabric of history so its clear how we arrived where we are today. Importantly, they also foreshadow the arc and trajectory of what the future may hold.

This digital age has only made it more difficult for storytellers. There's just too much information to sort through & curate. I recently heard from a TED talk stating that the biggest challenge of our time is to archive all the digital information that is being created today. And because its all digital, pockets of brilliant world changing ideas may go unnoticed, or worse yet, lost forever in corner of someone's hard drive.

We all have a role to play as modern day storytellers, so we all have the power to bring people together. I want nothing more than to help others tell their stories, especially the next generation. That's why I started Thrīvera. We want every young person to be able to tell their story. Stories were never meant to be buried within the heart and mind. Stories, by definition… are meant to be shared.

Marvin Abrinica

founder of Thrīvera

Letters from Schoolmates: A Collection of Notes c.1932-1933


The other day, we found a treasure in a dusty old box in the corner of our basement. The box contained a yellowed autograph book that belonged to a 15 year girl named Martha. She turned out to be my wife's grandmother who lived to be 87, and only passed a few years back. This treasured time capsule contained beautiful & witty notes from her teenage friends at Marshall High in 1932.

There's something captivating about the poetry, the penmanship, and thoughtful spirit of these youth memorialized in these pages. It's a stark contrast to the flippant text messages and empty e-mails we offer today. I was struck that this is 1932-1933, during the deepest and darkest part of the Great Depression. And yet, these young hearts and minds are as resilient as ever.

For the month of March, I'll post a new note every couple of days.  Today's line:

"Love is a funny thing, something like a lizard. 

It wraps itself around your heart and jumps into your gizzard."

When Love Isn't Enough

This weekend, I move my father into an assisted living home, and I feel as if I'm betraying him. "What did I do wrong?" my father asked, "I'm not sick." But my father has mid-stage dementia - Alzheimer's - and has been declining steadily for the past 5 years.


There are good days where dad seems as lucent as ever, full of stories about growing up in the Philippines. He can be chatty and charming. I mostly don't mind when he pauses to ask me, "What time is it?" for the 3rd time this hour.


But then there are bad days when he's moody, temperamental, paranoid, & defiant. We might go in circles about what happened to all his money, even though I just gave him $20 earlier that day. It's a cruel reminder of how dementia changes a person, and the people who love them. Anymore, the bad days seem to outweigh the good. And my mother seems helpless in her vain attempts to reach him as he slips away.

I had a cultural upbringing where it was considered taboo to "abandon" your loved ones in a nursing home. That's where the elderly are "left to die." I never wanted that for my father. And yet my whole family is at this point having to face reality. Truth has consequences, mainly within the heart. 

I always thought that no matter how difficult the circumstances, love would magically carry us through.  And though my love for my father has grown exponentially, somehow, it wasn't enough to give him the right care. Love sometimes isn't enough.

Ironically, someone asked me this week what personal and professional success meant to me. After surveying my own raw emotions, I responded, "being at peace with all the difficult decisions we're faced with in life." 

Sincerely,

a son

What the NFL Playoffs Can Teach Us About Success Under Pressure

The NFL playoffs last night, came down to two single plays both of which lead to two different outcomes.

For the Baltimore Ravens, it was a failed last second field goal attempt that easily could have brought the game into overtime, but instead handed the victory the New England Patriots.

For the 49ers, it was a stripped ball on a punt return in OT, leading to a NY Giants victory.

I asked myself, how does a player fail to perform in these high pressure situations, given that these players have done these seemingly routine kicks or catch & runs at least a thousand times in practice. Something tells me these players have fallen victim to over-thinking, and when they're called upon to perform in a high pressure situation, they fall short.

The secret is in a book I read recently by Sian Bielock, a congnitive scientist who's book Choke can teach us a lot about performing under pressure. A recent article about Beilock's findings written in the NY Times Blog says this about performance:

• "Choking is not a lifetime curse. You can train, even hardwire, your brain to react more productively.

• Experience at performing under pressure makes a significant difference. Practicing under even mild pressure helps prepare you for the more intense version

• When you’re faced with a pressure, distract yourself from the task at hand

• Performing quickly in pressure situations leads to more success."

I think we can all learn about how to handle a high pressure situation from this so that we can perform better at life.

-Marvin Abrinica